Matt Holliday hates my friend Kiloh.
Well, hate is probably too strong of a word. But he has, throughout Kiloh's life, terrorized him.
Matt and Kiloh grew up in the backyard of Oklahoma State University together. They went to the same school, were in the same grade. And long before Holliday made his debut with the Colorado Rockies he and Kiloh tangled in the Stillwater, OK youth baseball league.
Well, tangled is probably too generous a word. Matt was, as one might expect, a phenomenal athlete. And like most talented young athletes Holliday was conscripted to pitch for his team.
Kiloh played outfield for the Reds, and was one of the few(if not the only) left-handed batters in the league. As is common with hard-throwing eight year olds, Matt Holliday's control was suspect but he had learned to harness it against right-handed batters. With Kiloh being left-handed, he quickly became the unwilling recipient of Holliday's wayward pitches anytime their teams clashed.
Kiloh quickly tired of taking leather to the kidneys, and after a season of pissing blood rather than excellence he quit baseball forever. He moved on to become a well-above average guitarist, an engineer, and an avid perceiver of slights(Kiloh can, in almost any situation, perceive that he has been in some way wronged)(it's unbelievable)(seriously, any situation)(even church).
Matt Holliday went on to be drafted by the Rockies right out of high school, leading them to their first ever National League Championship Series win and World Series berth. He's been a three time all-star, and was named the 2007 NLCS MVP.
Kiloh's kidneys eventually healed(although he still goes to the bathroom about every 25 minutes) and even came back to baseball, becoming a fan of the Chicago Cubs after taking in a game at Wrigley in 2004. It was a natural fit--over the years Cubs fans have believed themselves to have been slighted in many, many fashions. A goat, a black cat, Steve Bartman...all have been blamed for the Lovable Losers' woes. Kiloh believes the newest slight, however, to have been targeted directly at him.
On July 24th, 2009, Matt Holliday became a St. Louis Cardinal--the arch enemies of Kiloh's beloved Cubs. The Cubs were favored to win the National League Central Division coming into this season, and have flip-flopped with the Cardinals all season. Although he won't openly admit it, Kiloh fears that once again Matt Holliday will get the best of him.
And he's right. Since joining the Cards Holliday has hit .606 with 10 RBIs in 9 games. Of the 10 RBIs, 7 of them have either tied games or put the Cardinals ahead. With two months to go in the season it will be interesting to see just how damaging Holliday is to the Cubs postseason hopes.
A fastball to the kidneys might be less painful.
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