Down To Ride

Today we introduce a new writer to The Nickel-Dimer, my friend Mitch. Mitch(not his real name, but his real nickname) has decided to descend further into anonymity and be known only as "Cadillac." In his inaugural post Caddy makes 92% of all married sports fans want to punch him directly in the yarvels.


Cadillac:
For a sports fan, getting married is kind of like waiting on the results of your STD exam. You know your day of reckoning is coming, and the results could go either way…but no matter what happens, your course for the future unavoidably hangs in the balance.

What if she pitches a fit when I want to watch the game? This could lead to a divisive force in the marriage – a Twilight Zone of sorts where consequences exist if you trod in at 11pm after the conclusion of MNF. For these people, the thought of marriage is nearly the same as heading to the Health Department a few days after hooking up with that pale chick who always comes down with the flu.

In my marriage, though, metaphors need not apply – I am indelibly entitled to unlimited sports programming…wife in tow.

I consider myself a “married sports fan anomaly,” and it’s not something I take lightly. The delicate balance of TV programming for the wife and I usually exhibits no give-and-take. I flip to ESPN, she props up her feet, and starts making observations:

“Brady looks a little hesitant in the pocket so far,” my wife cooed during Kickoff weekend, basically sending me into a sports-gasm.

Without giving her the slightest acknowledgement, I followed with “It’s his first game back from major knee surgery, cut him some slack.”

“I just think he’s a prima donna,” she quipped, displaying her full awareness of sports’ current events.

Yes, it’s just like that. And on a regular basis.

Let me cut you off before you say “That’s weird…and butch.” No, my wife isn’t an overbearing sports nut who throws out stats ad nauseam, but she does hang in there when exposed. She has managed to meld into my group of friends, who are nothing short of sports xenophobes, and hold her own on more than one occasion. I’ve watched my fair share of “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” but never at the expense of an important sports game. This carries over into more than just TV programming, as she is a diehard St. Louis Cardinals fan, and is as excited as her husband to pay the yearly homage to Busch Stadium.

The thing that I find appealing is her visceral attentiveness to the happenings in the world of sports, not just her “favorite teams.” It’s almost as if she reads the ESPN sports crawler out of habit than out of necessity.

Am I tired of bragging on my wife for being so damned cool? Yes. The existence of this very blog will go unbeknownst to her, for obvious reasons. For a sports fan such as I, I would dare not test such a beneficial and personally rewarding concept.

Would I have married this woman had she yielded a different approach? Perhaps. But I very rarely deal in uncertainties.